I can hardly move today. Crashed horizontal till evening by something that feels like burning, sickening poison seeping through my arteries, making my muscles jerk, my blood slam in my temples, my throat and chest exhausted at every breath or murmur.
Three things today focus in the back of my addled brain:
1) Summer's over. September 22nd means its autumn. My favourite season is here.
2) R.E.M. have split, or rather retired, and I feel too fragile today to listen to any of their luminously complex back catalogue. Their music has got me through some difficult M.E. days of drought. Not today. Just touches too many deep places today.
3) News is breaking that XMRV has just been shown to be unrelated to M.E. Probably. I can't process all the facts and figures today. But that little light in the dark tunnel of M.E. research seems to be being snuffed out as I type.
Good or bad? Hope it's not a chance for the media to take us backwards away from awareness. Or is this a stirring up of already muddy waters, freeing the field for more quality bio-medical research that will help sufferers everywhere to get well again?
Tomorrow, three certainties:
It will be autumn.
I want to listen to treasures from R.E.M.'s back catalogue if I can bear any sound at all.
I will still be hoping for some relief amid this horrendous disease which is about to prevent me typing or staying upright a moment longer today. As of now.
No comments:
Post a Comment