This past fortnight or so, just typing at the laptop, sometimes just reaching the keyboard has made me so sick and weak I can't keep up. Let alone cooking. Cleaning out the fish. Answering door/phone to perky dead-eyed salespeople hired not to tell you what they're actually flogging. Standing and speaking at the same time. Remembering what I'm supposed to have just got ready to do. (Living, we often call it!)
My ears are ringing, my eyes feel blow-torched. Muscles jerky and painful. Breaths in and out exhausting as my chest muscles/diaphragm (3 tries to spell that by stages!) are so painful, weak, burning. Yet can't get warm even with heating on (while I can still afford to put it on!). Spirit willing? Tick. Concentration/ co-ordination? Nil.
I try to read to research and plot my novel I so want to motor on with during November's NaNoWriMo mentioned in my last post. I can't make sense of anything, even simple stuff, most of the time at the mo. Thank the Lord for the times I can get on a bit.
I try to birdwatch. My forearms quickly grow too shaky and sick to raise the binoculars. Eyes won't focus or bear the beautiful autumn sunshine. Thanks the Lord I can hear them singing though, sweet as symphonies!
My fault. Agreed to take service I promised months ago and determined to carry through with my resolve. Went to friend's funeral the same week and after a disoreintating busride, was cuddled and chatted to death by dear friends I hadn't seen since I collapsed 5 years ago, from one of my old churches. They'd missed me. I'd missed them. I made it to the afternoon and have been crashed most days since. Silly enough to have my birthday this month too. Overkill!
Doing stuff when I can. Having to put the lights out and curl up to catch up on frazzled sleep when I can't.
"Pacing!" the whispered reminder comes from the few who understand. I know, I croak. It's just that life doesn't....
Blood sugars all over place. Hypo or hyper 90% of time. (Just took me a second try to spot where the "%" was hiding on my supposedly familiar keyboard.). Sugars erratic from stressed-out immune system fighting unseen infections. Not doughnuts.
That's enough for today.
But it's something!
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